As the New Year was approaching, Jeremiah and I began talking about where our family is, where we want to go this year & beyond. We always want to have goals that we're working towards. Our main goal this year is to grow closer together as a family.
It has been a tough road for us to adapt and adjust over the past three years. It's been such a complicated journey. From thinking we were just temporarily fostering the girls to deciding to adopt them. Since their father's rights were terminated and we moved towards adoption, Jer and I have seen and felt a change. As each day passes it gets easier and easier. Our family feels more and more complete. But for the longest time we could see Alyssa struggling. It has been the hardest on her and it breaks my heart to watch. Alexis was only 4 1/2 months old when she moved in. She doesn't know any other parents besides Jeremiah and myself. She's seen the pictures of my sister that we have around the house and knows it's her mother. But she hasn't even begun to understand what that means. It's just useless knowledge as of now. Her father has been in & out of jail & rehab her entire life. She doesn't remember him. Alexis doesn't know the things she's been through, which is lucky for her. But Alyssa was 3 1/2. She has the memory of an elephant! She remembers my sister, she remembers her Dad. She feels the loss of the family that should have been. She doesn't understand why she can't live with them or why she was placed in our home. There are definitely times (especially when she has to clean her room or gets into trouble, etc) that I can tell she blames Jeremiah and I. She thinks we have the "power" to let her live with her Dad or not. It's so sad to watch her be so young and confused and hurt all at the same time. That's why Jer & I decided that if our family has any hope at being the family we dream of, we had to make some changes...
I saw this pin on pinterest for a family memory jar. You write down fun things, outings & memories on little pieces of paper, fold them up and keep them in a jar (or whatever). Then, on New Years you go through and read them all. It's a really fun way to reminisce about the great family times you had that year. I loved the idea and wanted to do it, so I started thinking of meaningful ways we could kick it off. That's when I thought of the family meeting. We sat down as a family and each took turns talking about the things we didn't like last year (2011). We talked about things that hurt our feelings, things that weren't fun and different experiences we had that we didn't like. We got some really important stuff talked out and even helped Alyssa grasp the concept of "moving forward" with her life and not hanging onto the past. We acknowledged and validated her feelings of loss and grief over the family she should have had, but never would. We talked about how "moving on" didn't mean forgetting her biological parents at all, but it meant she's able to remember the happy times with her mother and how awesome it was that she could still talk to and have visits with her Father, but how she can also accept and be okay with becoming a Candelaria.We tried our best to use words and concepts she understands. It was like a mini counseling session and I couldn't believe how great it went! We talked about things we loved in 2011 and wanted to bring into or do again this year. We also brainstormed different ideas that we could do as a family this year. I wrote everything down as we went along and we folded and put the paper in our 2012 jar. We agreed that good communication is very important in our family, so we're going to have monthly family meetings. We'll talk about current issues, things that aren't going so well and things that are going great. I have really high hopes for it! The past week since our meeting has been the best week our family has had in the past 3 years. Alyssa's attitude has done a complete 360. She is much more loving, more cooperative, more excited for life and multiple times has said: "I like moving on!" I can tell a weight has been lifted off her shoulders and she doesn't feel torn between two lives anymore. I'm so happy for her. I'm happy for our family & where we could be this time next year! I can't believe we didn't think of this sooner!
No comments:
Post a Comment